Faith Exhorting Faith; When Your Faith Becomes a Weapon

I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise.

Psalm 119:58 (NIV)

I am back in the book of Psalm again. And back means I need it in order to breathe fully as the day progresses. My initial response to this, to be honest, is anger. I have danced my dance with anxiety, and I have zero desire to dance it again.

I go through my arsenal of weapons which somehow, for some reason are failing. The anxiety, the sleepless nights build like a flood wall in Indiana in the spring, one haphazard layer at a time. I am not interested in a wall, I am not interested in a dance. I need a Savior and I need Him badly. He’s off hiding. And I am angry.

I have a dear spiritual friend who reads me based on the days between our texts, based on the number of words I share publicly. She knows when I’ve gone under. She sends me Psalm 27:4, “One thing that I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple” (NIV). My short unsent response, but I can’t find Him.

Have you ever been here? Where you just can’t find Him?

I read through Psalm 27 to get to the end and am surprised to find verses 7 through 9, having forgotten these verses are hidden in this chapter.

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me! My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. (Psalm 27:7-9 NIV)

“Do not hide your face from me,” unravels the unspoken words knotted deep in my heart. In the midst of the angry, the confusion, the anxiety, the exhaustion, the regurgitation of the why’s, my heart breaks open to “Do not hide your face from me”.

I progress slowly through the rest of the chapter. I invite the words wet with tears to fall and soak. I take a soft landing at the chapter’s end.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and take courage; and wait for the LORD! (Psalm 27:13-14 NIV)

There is a treasure in Psalm 27:13, I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. This is one of the first promises I picked up and held many years ago when my faith journey looked much more like a haphazard stumble than a determined walk. In addition to a reminder of this precious promise, He breathed new life into the verse with a comment in my NIV study notes on verses 13-14. The writer of the notes penned these words, “faith exhorting faith” and pointed me in the direction of Hebrews 11:1 (NIV), “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

Do you know Hebrews 11? They (those who know more than me) call it the Faith Hall of Fame. It includes the faith giants of the Old Testament, recognizing them for their mountain moving faith. Helping us many generations later to see how God weaves the faithfulness of one generation to another in order to accomplish His good plan. Helping us to remember His faithfulness.p908

• Faith exhorting faith
• Certain of what we do not see
• Certainty without seeing
• Faith moving us when we cannot move
• Faith growing our faith when we are stymied by our own doubts, our own uncertainty
• Faith that prevails when we cannot find our Savior

The unraveling words, “Do not hide your face from me,” reveal a deeper belief in my heart.

I know He’s here.

Relief pours over me, like floodwaters bursting over the wall.

I know, like I know the darkness that threatens to pull me under, that He is present.

When I cannot see, He sees.

When I cannot hear, He hears.

When I cannot know, He knows.

New breath, new life, a new way to battle. This battle will be fought for me, I just need to be still. My own weapons won’t prevail, because this is His battle. This battle is one He will win for me, my weapon is my faith in His faithfulness. And it is enough.

I will share with you what this battle is about, because a battle is always about something. I have a word, it is mine to hold and I am afraid to hold it. I am afraid it will disappoint me, and it is easier to live by avoiding disappointment. (Especially disappointment in God, what is worse?) It is easier to walk in faith when faith is not required.

If you lean in close, I will whisper this word in your ear and hope you miss it and are too polite to ask for it again. I will write it in small letters, in pencil, in case it doesn’t play out. It can then be erased. I can then pretend it was never given to me. I can brush off disappointment and move onto the next word, idea, direction. I can write to you about lessons of faith and never have to actually move in faith with my own two feet. (We’ll focus on Hebrews 11 without ever having to walk that hall ourselves, deal?)

But I want to move through this battle that He’s already won for me. I want what is on the other side.

My hushed over, scare me to death word is “expectant”.

Expectant is my word. And I am barely brave to write its letters.

Expect that it will be more than I can ask or imagine. Expect that I won’t be shamed, or disappointed. Expect that He is good, and abundant, and wants to dance with me in the pouring rain, in the bright sunshine, in the breaking dawn and the dusk. Expect that He loves me.

EXPECTANT is my word…am I brave enough to shout it?

What is it that He is speaking over your beautiful life?

What is it that you are afraid of?

What is keeping you from battling?

What is binding your faith?

What keeps you from believing there is something more?

What keeps you from believing He is who He says He is?

Will you dare to be brave?

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23