Be Still My Anxious Heart

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.

Psalm 28:7

As you sit and read these words, the earth is rapidly rotating on its axis at a speed of 1000 mph, while suspended in space, held in place by something called gravity. Perhaps you are able to almost remember the explanation of gravity learned a lifetime ago in a high school or college science class. Perhaps, like me, you need a quick google minute and once googled, you will wonder if what you are reading is true or made-up. Either way, it is very unlikely that you are currently concerned about falling off the planet. You may however, be familiar with the fearful preoccupation of falling from a ledge. A ledge that does not exist in the physical realm, but in your mind and in your heart.

Often, it is the little things. Or even if it is the big thing, it isn’t the big thing. It is the thousand little things surrounding the big thing. Sometimes, it isn’t anything at all, but there are many things to choose from, if we need to choose something.

Dark seasons. That is how I remember seasons spent with an anxious heart. Night that moved to morning that transitioned into night, with very little remembrance or focus in between. Sleep brought on by drink and living sustained by caffeine. Repeat. Anxious days that stretched so long I had forgotten what stillness was, I had forgotten what it was to read a book, sit through a movie, lie still and smile, to eat and not be sick afterwards. When a break from anxiety came, fear would soon replace it. Fear of its inevitable return.

Time helps. Time away from whatever it was that cut you so badly the bleeding won’t stop. There comes a time, with brute force, you refuse to live like this. Refuse to give up your life to things that are not true.

If anxiety steals from your life, it is joy that gives it back full. If anxiety swallows you dark amidst good things, then joy sustains you amidst hard things. If lies give birth to anxiety, truth certainly brings forth joy.

If there was one who had reason to have an anxious heart, it was Jesus Christ. The uncontainable, contained in human skin. The all powerful God, at the mercy of a young mother. The Word (John 1:1) learning to speak, read and write. The Creator (Colossians 1:16) without a place to lay His head (Matthew 8:20). The One who knew no sin to become sin (1 Corinthians 5:21). The Good Shepherd becoming the Lamb that was Slain (John 10:11). The Giver of Life (Genesis 2:7) bending to death (John 19:30). I read of Him in Matthew through John and I see Him weep (John 11:35), marvel (Matthew 8:10), be full of compassion (Mark 1:41), and love (Mark 10:21). I see Him angry (Matthew 21:12). I see Him move with purpose (Luke 13:32-33). And I see Him remain silent when others would speak (Matthew 26:63, 27:14). In His darkest moment, I see Him pray (Matthew 26:38-39).

What is it this Christ had that kept Him from anxiety? He was human after all. And we are called to be like Him. What is it that kept Him from this spiraling vortex, and are these things also for me?

• Jesus Christ knew who His Father was (Luke 2:49)
• Jesus Christ knew who He was (Matthew 11:4, 16:17, Mark 2:28)
• Jesus Christ knew the Holy Scriptures and the power behind them (Matthew 4: 4, 7, 10)
• Jesus Christ got away and spent time alone with the Father (Matthew 14:23, 26:36, Mark 1:35, 6:46)
• Jesus Christ knew He was purposed and He moved intentionally to fulfill that purpose (Matthew 5:17, 16:21, 26:2, Mark 1:38, 2:17, Luke 13:32-33)
• Jesus Christ knew the power that was within Him (Matthew 12:18, 28:18, Mark 4:39, 5:30, 9:23)
• Jesus Christ surrendered His will to the will of the Father (Matthew 26:39, 42, 44)
• Jesus Christ knew what was on the other side of the cross (Matthew 16:27, 20:18-19)

There came a time when I left anxiety in my past. Does it pop its ugly head periodically? Yes, but it is not permitted to stay for long. How do I overcome this life stealing thief? I am learning who my Father is. I am learning who I am in Jesus Christ. I am learning the Holy Scriptures and the promises they hold for me. I am learning to get away and routinely spend time with the Father. I am learning that I am sovereignly purposed and press into that purpose as it is revealed to me. I am learning that the Holy Spirit indwells within me and no power can stand against it. I am learning to unclench tight fingers attached to my way and open my hands to the will of the Father. And I know what waits for me on the other side of this life.

The earth, it will still spin tomorrow. Today, I will search intentionally for that which is true and let go of that which is not.

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Authors note: These words are by no means intended to replace seeking professional help, if that is needed. I have been there as well.

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