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Trusting the Heart of Jesus; When our Faith in the Promises Falters
“His (Jesus) heart was gentle and lowly toward us when we were lost. Will his heart be anything different toward us now that we are found?” Dane Ortlund, Gently and Lowly I wonder at times if I will forever want my own way. It is possible to obey Jesus but at the very center of your being, want your own way. It festers, like a bad secret, a precursor to bitterness. I know this because I sometimes live it. I would like to write, I sometimes lived it, but that would lead you to believe that I used to experience this nagging desire, and now I do not, which would…
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Expectant; When Faith is Tangled with Disappointment
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 Expectant was my word for 2022. Expectant, wow! Who wouldn’t want this to be their “word”? My word in 2021 was brave, which made sense going into 2021, living through 2021 and looking back on 2021. I got it, I understood. But expectant? Honestly, I was afraid of it. Tentatively, I did what word of the year writers, content creators do with their word. I wrote it, I thought it, I prayed over it, but mostly I questioned it.…
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When Warriors Weep; How to Be Brave When You Do Not Want to Be Brave
“Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep.” 1 Samuel 30:4 NIV I have a confession, a secret, I am tired of being brave. Like really just tired of it. I do not know if it is all of the bad news (I do not even want to list examples, there are too many and perhaps ignoring them will make them all go away), or social media, or getting older and watching everyday tick by until, until what? And why does not anyone tell you that one of the most bittersweet (to date anyway) aspects of…
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In All Seriousness, Laugh
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting. Job 8:21 Thoughts roll through the inner web of my mind something like this, question, quick question, maybe, why, what about this, perhaps it is this, question, hmm…, I don’t think that is the answer, question again. Not quite as chaotic as a small metal sphere inside a pinball machine, but yeah, kinda close. Let’s just say at any given moment, I have probably got a question. Sometimes I have a question about Jesus. Well actually, lots of times I have a question about Jesus. And sometimes He gives me an answer. For whatever reason my mind…
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Expect the Unexpected; When God Doesn’t Fit in Your Box
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV It is a tidy thing to put God in a box, limit his grace, his mercy and his love not just for us, but also for others, by our own understanding. We pray tiny whisper prayers, with specific outcomes in mind, and find ourselves fumbling in the land of disappointment because our prayers have not been answered. Again. Well, what if they have been answered but our thoughts…
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Heartache and Hope; Opening the Box of Remembrance, A Single Momma’s Perspective
We sit on the carpeted floor, surrounded by boxes holding treasures manifested as paintings, drawings made with markers, papers penciled with misspelled letters, stories, and construction paper cards cut out and pasted for holidays. Each creation is marked by a child’s name and a date. We count backwards to bridge the year, with the teacher, an age, and a pre-divorce, post-divorce designation. The dog interrupts, wanting to plant herself in the middle, asserting her belief that floor time signals play time. I remember my own childhood, sorting through similar treasures, printed photographs, wanting to remember and touch the tangible evidence of my own existence. It’s like this with my girl.…
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The Scarred Savior; Permanent Marks of the Lamb
The other disciples told him, “We have seen the LORD.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the mark of the nails, and place my hand into His side, I will never believe.” John 20:25 There are multiple entries on pages of tattered journals where I describe what I believe my heart to look like, scarred and twisted, marked deep by hateful words and actions, ugly. This image haunted me for a long time as I wondered if a heart like that could be loved, could possibly be softened enough to love others. Walls hide hearts like that, built to keep others out, to keep others…
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When Your World has Shifted; Is Restoration Possible?
I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, and the great army, which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. Joel 2:25-26 Like a student waiting out a tornado warning in the dark hallway of a school building, there are times when it is safer to pull in tight, cover your head with your own hands, and be still while the ties that bind your world snap one at a time. Life is not very tidy. And quite…
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The Invitation of the Cross; Walking Like Jesus
Fix our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2 My preference is to skip the gospel accounts of Christ’s crucifixion. I begin the preceding chapters that tell the story of the last supper, the betrayal by Judas and the tears in Gethsemane, and I want to stop. I want to jump over the next chapter and celebrate the resurrection. I won’t describe the gory details of death by crucifixion. But the word “excruciating” is derived from the words, “out of the…
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Boundary Lines and Obedience ; Living your Best Life
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:5-6 They make it, finally, to the Promised Land. Joshua leads the way after a chorus of reminders from Moses and the LORD God to be strong and courageous, to not be afraid, to remember and to know. Joshua was not a battle novice, many years before he had gallantly fought the Amalekites (Exodus 17) with a ragamuffin army under the prayers of one somewhat elderly man whose arms were held high by the strength of two…
